


Young Veterans

by JoshCo99



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 18:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8500885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoshCo99/pseuds/JoshCo99
Summary: Sirius goes to visit Remus, just after the return of Voldemort. He delivers the bad news, and devastating and rejuvenating emotions follow in kind, as they both turn to reminiscences to remind them of old (perhaps not better) times.





	

“No... No... NO!” Remus yelled into the darkness, before dropping his head into his hands. He was near catatonic. He shook with a not-so-silent rage, and stormed about the cottage.  
“Remus, be calm...” Sirius mumbled, in an attempt to be comforting, but his own voice was cold and devastated.  
“He was supposed to be dead!” Remus’ voice was close to breaking with emotion, as he turned and stared out of the window, at the pitch-dark night, “That was what Lily and James died for, what they gave their lives for, Sirius!”  
“I know, Remus... I know.” Sirius didn’t dare approach Remus. Sirius had rarely seen him this angry, and didn’t want Remus to lash out.  
“So it was pointless. All of it. Every bit of work we put in, every scrap of effort... Every friend we lost, it meant nothing!” Remus’ voice sounded almost pleading, as if begging Sirius to tell him otherwise. Sirius could not. “He’s back, and he’ll get power again. And this time...” Remus broke off before he finished the sentence, and his voice broke with a sob, as the man crumbled.  
“This time there’s no James, and no Lily.” Sirius finished for him, as he finally wandered over and slung an arm around his friend. Sirius felt tears flickering in his eyes, at the idea of going through another war, this time without his best friend. “We have each other, though.” Sirius mumbled, as Remus turned to hide himself in Sirius’ chest. “We always have each other.”  
“P-Peter... You’re sure it was Peter?” Remus asked, almost hopefully.  
“Harry told me everything. It was Peter.” Sirius confirmed. Remus released another racked sob, and clutched at Sirius. In truth, Remus had still held out hope that Peter could be turned back... That his friend wasn’t gone. Remus felt a cold pang hit him, as he realised something with a crushing force.  
“It’s us or him, now.” Remus blinked, his sobs ceasing, “There’s no possibility of all of us making it out of this alive, is there?”  
“I’d say there’s even less chance of that, than last time.” Sirius admitted, before pulling back from Remus and gently wandering away, over to the cabinet where Remus kept his liquor. Sirius couldn’t help but smile a small, nostalgic smile. “The last time I opened this cabinet would have been—“  
“May 3rd, 1980.” Remus finished for him, sitting on the couch, nodding. “My housewarming party.”

* * *

 

“How about a little liquid heaven, eh?” Sirius smirked, as he winked over at Remus, who was lounging in a new armchair. Remus rolled his eyes, but nodded his silent consent. Sirius gave a hearty chuckle, and propelled himself from the couch, striding over to the kitchen. He rummaged through cupboards and various draws. Remus, apparently, was quite content to allow Sirius to search and search, providing no actual help. “Aha!” Sirius cried in triumph, as he fished several bottles from a cabinet, placed just above the sink. “Clever, Remus Lupin, very clever...”  
“Not exactly hidden, Si!” Remus laughed, shaking his head, as he watched the raven-haired young man stare delightedly at an un-labelled bottle of amber-coloured liquid.  
“Not the hiding place! The enchantments!” Sirius replied, grinning over at him.  
“Oh! Noticed them, did you?” Remus asked, in a rather teasing way, smirking.  
“You know me, Moony. I can _feel_ magic.” Sirius winked at him, before withdrawing to sit on the arm of Remus’ chair, “Now... Do regale me with what this particular... Concoction may be.” Sirius’ eyes were twinkling at the bottle.  
“It’s brandy.” Remus told him simply, and quickly flicked his wand, transfiguring two glasses to land softly on the coffee table in front of them.  
“Ooh...” Sirius noted the glasses on the table, before thinking for a second, “Better make another two, Rem. James and Pete should be arriving soon, and Lily can’t exactly drink.” Remus hummed in assent, and silently whipped up three more glasses, which landed beside the others. Sirius wasted no time in pouring two generous portions of the alcohol. “Where’d you get this? I didn’t take you as a brandy kind of person.”  
“Dumbledore!” Remus laughed quietly, as he gently sipped at the brandy, feeling the sweet liquid fill his mouth with taste; clearly, the brandy was at least faintly magical. “He sent it this morning, as a gift.”  
“Strange man, that Dumbledore. Utterly wonderful, of course, but... Strange.” Sirius chuckled gently, as he also sipped down his alcohol.  
“Yeah... Completely mental, and possibly dangerous...” Remus mused.  
“May he live forever!” The two cheerfully shouted in unison, before descending into rather immature giggles, as both collapsed into one another.

They only broke apart after James and Lily entered, almost an hour later, soaked to the skin. “We spent some time in the town, near here.” Lily explained, as she took off her coat and hung it from Remus’ coat-rack, “We decided to walk here.” Lily smiled and settled on one of Remus’ (rather dilapidated) couches, hands coming to rest on her enormous bump.  
“Some interesting places down there, Rem.” James smiled gently, setting down next to her, “Been to any of the cafes, yet?”  
“No, not yet.” Remus admitted, smiling gently, “But the town seems nice. It’s got that quaint, Yorkshire charm.” Remus sipped some more of the brandy, as James poured himself a small amount of the alcohol. Funnily enough, the bottle didn’t seem to have been emptied any. Remus simply raised his eyebrows and shrugged gently, the only word coming to mind being _Dumbledore_.  
“Yeah, it has that...” Sirius nodded, wishing only to be involved in the conversation, his face taking on a merry smile. However, the thought that kept scratching at his mind sprung from his tongue, and he asked, in a concerned tone: “Where’s Peter? He should be here, by now.””  
“Oh, you know Pete,” Lily answered, an amused giggle sounding from her lips, “He’s probably lost.”  
“Yeah, that, or doddering around HQ, having forgotten where he’s meant to be.” Sirius laughed delightedly, and laid his head back so far that his hair tickled Remus’ face.  
“We expecting anyone else, Remus?” James asked, looking at the door, as if someone would emerge from there at any moment.  
“Erm...” Remus thought for a moment, “Alastor said he might have a look-in, if he had time after work...” Remus shrugged, “And McGonagall gave her apologies.”  
“Oh, yeah, Minnie would have certainly livened up a party.” Sirius laughed loudly, and grinned widely, sarcasm dripping from his every word. Remus gently laid his chin on top of Sirius’ head, smirking.  
“And we might see Fab and Gid at some point, too.” Remus shrugged slightly, “They said they’d try and pop by. Apparently Molly’s made cakes.”  
“Who’s Molly?” Sirius asked, blinking softly.  
“Their sister, dungbomb.” James rolled his eyes, laughing quietly, “Honestly, you’d think you’d never spoke to them!”  
“Let’s be honest, though... Most of them involve all three of you being at least slightly drunk, right?” Lily asked, smirking softly. Sirius raised his eyebrows in a mock challenge, before dropping them and chuckling.  
“Alright, you’ve got me there.”

* * *

 

The memory seemed to make the room... Colder, as it dissipated in the minds of both men. The stark truth appeared to both of them at once. They were no longer young, neither had hope, and both had lost everything in the precursor to this very night, less than two years after than night, and almost fourteen years previous. “That night,” Remus’ voice was oddly distant, and somewhat cold, “Peter didn’t show up for hours, did he?”  
“No.” Sirius replied. He knew what Remus was about to ask. There had been the same suspicion in his mind for years. He closed the cabinet without finishing his question.  
“D’you think...” Remus began, but appeared unable to finish the thought.  
“Yes, I do. And, no, I don’t think it was the first time. I think he was in Voldemort’s grip since we joined the Order, Remus. It fits. All the times he was late, or didn’t show up,” Sirius’ words were fast now. He’d wanted to release this for this for _years_ , and he hadn’t been able to, “I think he sold us out every single day for two years, Remus. I think that’s why we almost died so much! The factory, remember that?” Remus nodded gently.

* * *

 

“Holy--” Sirius’ cuss was cut short, as both he and James were blasted through a window. The glass shattered, and both Sirius and James writhed in agony, as the glass cut their skin. Remus had thrown himself (barely, mind) onto the ground and avoided the hex, as he rolled to recover.  Remus’ wand was in his shaking hands, as blood dripped from his cut wrist onto his jeans, and he gasped in pain. He didn’t have time to perform a healing enchantment. He had to soldier on, but first...  
“Sirius! James! Speak to me!” Remus yelled, as he ducked another curse flying over his head. _That one looked scarily like a Cruciatus,_ a voice in his head warned him, and he ducked. Fearing another spell being hurled at the incapacitated duo, Remus whipped his wand around and sat against the wall and mumbled an incantation, repairing the glass and making it (at least more) resistant to spells. That would do, for a while. From the amount of hexes, jinxes and curses being hurled at him, he counted... Four Death Eaters. “Oh, joy.” Remus gave a small smile to Sirius, who was regaining his footing. Remus silently mouthed ‘Go round!’, while pointing to the door to their left. Sirius nodded, and dragged James through it.  
“Come out, Lupin!” A rough voice growled, as spells chipped the wall beside his head, “We promise not to play with you too long...” The voice was full of mocking sweetness.  
“Funny!” Remus retorted, as he silently winced at the continuous blood-flow from his arm, “I’m gonna have to decline, though. I can imagine better people to play with.”  
“I’m sure you can, you fa--” Whoever the Death Eater was, he didn’t get to finish his insult, as there was a dull thud. Remus blinked and looked around the corner, tentatively. There was no incoming fire.  
“Come on, Rem!” James shouted, beckoning him over, “You’re gonna miss all the fun!”  
“What just happened?” Remus asked, as he ran over to them.  
“We Stunned Goyle,” Sirius kicked the unconscious body on the floor, before nodding towards the closed double-doors, “But the others escaped onto the factory floor.”  
“Well, let’s go!” James shrugged, and began to move forward. He was surprised, however, to find two pairs of hands stopping him.  
“It’s a trap.” Remus mumbled.  
“I quite agree.” Sirius answered, his grey eyes looking at the door.  
“We act too quickly, we get killed.” Remus reasoned once more.  
“And we don’t want that, do we, Prongs?” Sirius mumbled, smirking gently.  
“Alright. So what do we do, the--” James began to ask, before throwing all three of them to the side, as both doors were blasted from their hinges, and came flying at them. As they dived, one of the doors clipped Remus, sending him on a slightly different path to his comrades, as he flew into a wall and yelped, as his back struck the concrete. Curses flew through the now open hole, and Sirius and James blindly shot hexes back.

* * *

 

“That has to have been him! Twenty Death Eaters?” Sirius laughed incredulously, and shook his head, not daring to look back at Remus. “Peter... Peter must have told them we’d be there, hunting Dolohov.”  
“Sirius...” Remus had come up behind him. It was strange, Sirius thought. At the housewarming party, Remus would already have his arms wound around Sirius, pulling him close. Now, he stood almost five feet away. Sirius turned, and noted with a pang in his stomach that his friend had tears in his eyes. Slowly, they descended into yet another hug, this time it was slower and more mournful. To both men’s surprise, it was Sirius who broke into sobs first. Remus gently stroked the man’s hair, as he shook.  
“Twelve years, Remus... Twelve years. You have no idea what it was like... What it _felt_ like to be with those creatures.” Sirius’ voice was quiet and broken with sobs, as he clutched at him, “They drained everything, _everything_ from me.”  
“I know, Sirius... I know.” Remus whispered gently, in a comforting voice, as he led Sirius to sit on the couch, Remus perching on the coffee table and looking him dead in the eye.  
“He took everything from me.” Sirius’ voice was full of hatred, “Everything. I want him dead.”  
“And he will die.” Remus said, slightly surprised at himself. It was strange to consider it, but it seemed... Inevitable. For good to truly win, surely Pettigrew had to die? “He will die...” Remus repeated, and they sat in silence for a while.

“What happens now?” Remus was the one who broke the silence. It weighed heavily upon both of them, as they continued to struggle with what they must come to terms with. They were at War, once again.  
“The Order’s coming back, I told you. We’re reforming, to fight again.” Sirius shrugged softly, though he didn’t look at him. Sirius’ voice was cold, distant. Remus nodded gently, and moved his gaze to look out of the darkened window.  
“I thought we’d won, last time...” Remus whispered, heaving a heavy sigh and dropping his forehead into his palm, rubbing the skin there gently, “I could have sworn we’d won.”  
“You and the rest of the world, Remus.” Sirius answered, rather shortly. It was understandable, Remus supposed. After all, as the world had celebrated the defeat of Lord Voldemort last time, Sirius had been inhabiting a cell in the worst place on Earth.  
“Sirius, I...” Remus began.  
“Just call me Si, Remus.” Sirius’ voice sounded different, now, “Just... Call me Si, for Merlin’s sake!” Sirius stood, and began to pace around, running a hand through his hair, “I miss when you’d call me Si.” He mumbled gently, in a confessional tone.  
“Si,” Remus began, and was surprised at the warmth which spread through him at the use of it. It reminded him of easier times and, for a brief second, he found himself staring at Sirius in the same way he used to stare at him. He felt the emotions prick in his chest once more. “I...” Remus wasn’t entirely sure what he was about to say. Was he to tell him of the burning fear resting within him? Was he to tell him that it was all going to be okay? Could he say that? “I love you.” He had not expected that.  
“Wh-What?” Sirius blinked at him, as he turned to face him, sure he’d misheard. Remus _couldn’t_ have said that. It had been so long...  
“I love you.” Remus said again, and was still shocked. He honestly didn’t know where the words had come from though, now he looked inside himself, they were true. Why else would he have accepted, without question, Sirius’ version of events, over Pettigrew’s? Deep down, Remus had _wanted_ Sirius to be innocent. Deep down, Remus wanted _his_ Sirius back, his Si.  
“I love you too.” Sirius blinked still, tilting his head. It was easier for Sirius to say it. He’d had twelve years to consider it. It was the only emotion he’d managed to hold on to, really. It kept him sane. Silently, Sirius’ mind wandered back to his cell, and the nights when he’d been unable to transform into Padfoot. Oh, how those Dementors had _tried_ to steal his love.  
“Y-You do?” Remus had to refrain from using the word ‘still’ in that sentence. While Remus’ love for Sirius had not faltered for twelve years, he felt it was too presumptive to immediately assume that Sirius had felt the same, throughout that hellish existence.  
“Of course I do.” Sirius mumbled, and had, at once, closed the distance. Sirius’ hand flew to Remus’ cheek, and Remus was surprised to find the touch to be as tender as he remembered. Sirius’ eyes wandered to Remus’ lips, and lazily moved to glance at his own fingers.  
“Still the same technique, I see.” Remus teased, though the amusement was lost in his voice, which shook with nerves. While Remus had been crying into Sirius’ chest only moments before, he had been highly emotional... He hadn’t much realised what he’d been doing. All he knew was that it had felt natural for him to gravitate towards his best friend.  
“You complaining?” Sirius mumbled, in a gentle kind of voice. His fingers stroked at Remus’ scarred cheek, as if Sirius was trying to memorise every line and every imperfection then.  
“Not at all.” Remus mumbled, gently moving into his touch. His senses took hold of him, however, before he pulled back and walked away, shaking his head.  
“Remus?” Sirius blinked, and began to follow.  
“N-No. We can’t. We’re not kids anymore.” Remus said, walking away from Sirius and leaning on the counter, facing away from him. “We haven’t got James or Lily, any more. We need to win this war, now.”  
“Can’t we do both?” There was a hint of desperation in Sirius’ voice, though Remus thankfully ignored it.  
“No, Sirius. You need to focus on protecting Harry, and being there for him.” Remus pointed at Sirius, finally turning to look at him, though avoiding his eyes at all costs. “And I... I have to focus on my kind, and getting them on side.”  
“They aren’t your ‘kind’, Remus!” The response was automatic. They’d had the same argument in the first War, though this argument looked lost. Usually, the argument would last an hour or so, before they ended up in tears, hugging. Not this time, it seemed.  
“Yes, they are.” Remus said, in a brutally short fashion. “You missed a lot, in those twelve years, Sirius. The longest I held down a job was Hogwarts, and I got sacked from that because of—”  
“Snape.” Sirius answered in a reproachful voice, snarling.  
“No. I got sacked because of what I am, Sirius. Nothing more, and nothing less.” Remus’ voice was full of self-loathing. It appeared more destructive than it had when Sirius had last met this particular demon. “I’m a monster. Always am, always will be.” Sirius could think of no response, and they lapsed into silence.

“So what are we going to do?” Remus asked, nearly half an hour later. He felt as though he’d asked before, though he couldn’t be bothered to think on it. His voice shook gently with the force of keeping it calm.  
“We... Leave, I suppose. Find a HQ.” Sirius’ voice had once more resumed that cold, distanced feel.  
“Any ideas?” Remus asked, not looking at him. To look at him was to feel upset. He couldn’t lose himself again.  
“One, I suppose.” Sirius sounded hesitant, before heaving a heavy sigh and looking at his lap. “Number 12.”  
“Your mother’s place?” Remus asked, blinking, his previous anger forgotten for the minute. Sirius _hated_ that place! Why would he want to go back?  
“The Manor of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, yes.” Sirius grimaced slightly, before looking out of the window. It was still dark. “I inherited it, when dear old mother died.”  
“You’re disowned.” Remus’ voice was matter-of-fact. He was confused, admittedly. He was sure Sirius couldn’t inherit. His mother had blasted him from the family.  
“It’s to do with entail law. No-one else can inherit legally, so it passes onto me.” Sirius sighed gently, shrugging, “I don’t want it, but it’s mine. So I’ll offer it to Dumbledore.”  
“I see.” Remus could think of nothing more to say. It was as good a solution as ever, he supposed. “And Harry?”  
“He’ll be coming to stay.” Sirius shrugged slightly, though his voice took on a happier tone, as it usually did when discussing Harry.  
“Is he being inducted into the Order?” Remus asked, blinking.  
“Of course not. Not until he leaves school.” Sirius said, with an air of finality, though Remus could sense that it wasn’t Sirius’ choice.

“Well... I should go, Remus. I need to find everyone else. I was meant to go to them before I came here, but...” Sirius cleared his throat and looked away, “So, I’m going to go and find everyone else.”  
“Alright... Need help?” Remus asked quietly, glancing at him. Sirius was leaving him again.  
“No... I’ll do it alone. You’ll come and stay, won’t you? At Number 12?” Sirius asked. Remus sensed a flicker of hope in his voice.  
“I... Suppose so, yes.” Remus smiled gently, nodding. Sirius nodded gently, and moved towards the door.  
“I...” Sirius was unsure of what he wanted to say. Everything seemed... Wrong, somehow. Every phrase seemed broken.  
“I know. Now go.” Remus’ voice was, for an instant, warm. Sirius felt himself smile a genuine smile, before turning and leaving. Remus sighed gently, and leant back in his seat.  
“It’s different, this time... And I’m not sure I have it in me to survive.” Remus mumbled, as he stared at the picture of James stuck up on the wall. Remus smiled softly, and moved to the cabinet that Sirius had closed, and opened it. Inside, he saw the same bottle of brandy. “To old times.” He mumbled, before opening the top, and drinking from the bottle.


End file.
